Loss, Struggle, Hardship

Dear X,

In March of 2020, our world shifted. The entire earth has spent the time since then fighting a virus, Covid-19, that none of us had heard of before then. We have all grown weary of it, and the conversations around it have stayed oddly the same. What has been lost, the plans we cannot make, the feeling of depression and frustration gripping so many of us.

I feel fortunate. I was able to stay in a safe place, get vaccines fairly early, and a booster when needed. While my life has changed, there have been both positives and negatives. Many have not fared so well. For me, the greatest loss I have had in this pandemic is my relationship with you.

We have been family by marriage for over 30 years, and friends for almost as long. I often tell people how lucky I am to have you in my family. You have brought so much to all of us, and I have especially admired your compassion, your creativity and your thoughtfulness. You carefully plan for our visits, and your gifts are often made by hand and are among our favorites. We have walked and talked many miles. and shared so many memories together over the years.

We do have differences, and our political viewpoints are quite different. Regardless, we have always been able to listen to each other's views and respectfully disagree.

Until now.

Your choice to remain unvaccinated has been something I cannot find a way to respect. I vacillate between anger, despair and disbelief. It has seemed so out of character for you, and maybe that is why it is so hard to accept. You are one of the most caring people I know, and yet in this instance, you have chosen selfishness over compassion. You are an avowed believer in Christianity, and yet this decision flies in the face of everything Jesus Christ taught. You have embraced a theology of individualism that seems incompatible with the commandment to Love thy Neighbor as Thyself.

At first we understood that you had concerns. We shared the latest information with you, and tried to address these issues. After a few months of this, it dawned upon us that your objections were not based upon valid medical concerns. When you sent us an essay written by a non practicing veterinarian from Belgium as the source of your decision to reject vaccines, we realized that your objections were purely political. You have had all of your other vaccines, and we had never before heard you object to their use. Ironically, you have always claimed to be disinterested in politics. Yet you are the most politically driven person we know. That was eye opening to us.

Since that moment, when I realized that your decision to remain unvaccinated was rooted in politics, I have tried to find a way to accept this and to be okay with it. I am not doing well. When I read about healthcare workers leaving the field in droves because they are so overburdened, I find your praise of them to be hollow and untrue. When a friend has their needed surgery postponed for a third time because the hospitals are too full of the unvaccinated to allow for regular patients to get treatment, I am dismayed by your choice. And when my own child cried because you cannot attend her graduation due to your choice to remain unvaccinated, I am angry with you.

I cannot find a way to get past it, and so I speak to you less. At one point I had hoped to live nearby, but that desire has waned. Having someone you love choose politics and self over humanity has opened my eyes to a side of you I had never seen. I cannot figure out how to unsee it, and I do not think I will ever be able to do so. I miss you terribly. That has been my greatest loss in this pandemic. I lost our relationship, and I lost my trust in you. That sounds so overdramatic when people have lost family members to death, and their loss is so much worse. I pray all the time that you do not sicken and die from this virus. I pray that you change your mind. I pray that I can find a way to forgive you, and that I can stop being angry and disappointed.

With love and concern, but not much hope,

Me